Doritos For The Dead

Stars fade like memory the instant before dawn. Low in the east, the sun appears golden as an opening eye. That which can be named must exist. That which is named can be written. That which is written is remembered. That which is remembered lives.

~Normandi Ellis
Awakening Osiris: The Egyptian Book of the Dead

Today and in the next few days to come, people all over the world will celebrate some version of the holiday to honor the dead. In the west we know this festival as Halloween, a day more commonly associated with dressing up and begging for candy than with honoring those who have gone before.

In many North American cities, the Mexican feast of Día de los Muertos, Day of the Dead, is celebrated along with Halloween. Some of these festivals have lost their original intent, instead becoming yet another excuse for a party.

A Good Relationship With Death

In his book “Learning to Love Yourself,” Gay Hendricks writes, “A poor relationship with death eliminates the possibility of a clear and passionate relationship with life.”

I first began to speak of honoring the dead in 2001, shortly after the September 11th attack on the World Trade Towers. I mistakenly believed that the people of this country might need an outlet for expressing their grief. But I quickly discovered that this was a subject no one wanted to discuss.

All these years later, many people are still not willing to talk about it.

Fear of death is a universal fear. Advances in science have only served to support the belief that death can be held off indefinitely.

I believe that it’s time for the subject of death to come out of the closet of taboos. Without a healthy way of dealing with our feelings of loss, we become victims of unconscious anxiety and paralyzing fears.

Having a practice for honoring the dead can create a sense of continuity with the past & the future. It seems that every time there is a major world disaster interest in communication with other realms tends to grow. After 9/11 people sought out mediums, psychics who communicate with our dead. Astrology made a comeback during the Covid lockdown. One doesn’t have to depend on a “middleman” to commune with those who have passed. We can take inspiriation from the practices of other cultures, both ancient and modern.

Day of the Dead Traditions

In Mexico, honoring of children who have died is done on November 1st, honoring those who died as adults is done on November 2nd.

Graves are cleaned up and decorated. Family members tell stories of the departed. Altars called Ofrendas are set up. These are usually decorated with yellow marigolds called Flor de Los Muertos or Flower of the Dead. The fragrance is said to be recognized by the dead, calling them back to this world. Petals of Flor de Los Muertos are spread on the pathway to the houses by a relative. If this is done by a stranger, the ancestor will not recognize the way home.

The visiting dead are fed and sometimes given a pack of cigarettes. A basin and towel are provided so they may wash up afterwards.

Eastern Rituals For The Dead

In some Buddhist traditions it is believed that a dead person does not know he or she has passed until the 3rd day after his actual death.

On the third day after passing, friends and family prepare the favorite foods of the deceased. They speak to the departed one with reassurances of enduring love. It is very much like a farewell party.

Koreans view death as an extension of life rather than an end. It is perceived as returning to the place of origin. Koreans use the term “having returned” much in the way we say “passed away”. The “returned” person is thought to always remain near to look after the well-being of his or her descendants. It is considered duty to look after the dead as if they are actually living.

When a person dies, the family members begin wailing. Then then go up to the roof with the clothes of the departed and perform rituals where they call out the name of the dead three times and shout “pok” meaning “come back “ —back to the place of origin.

My dear friend and high priestess, Annie, spent many years working with the Mien community in California and learning about their traditions. Mien ancestors are honored, fed and cared for so they will stay near to protect and care for the family.

As part of the marriage ceremony the new family member is introduced to the ancestors. The same is done when a child is adopted into the family. Whenever advice was sought or an event took place that could impact the family, a ritual was held to contact and consult with the ancestors. Altars are set up and food is placed there to feed the ancestors.

Feeding The Dead

Feeding of the dead is a ritual common to many cultures. As part of the Bon Festival, Japanese Buddhists offer foods to the deceased.

It is an old Lithuanian belief that the soul of the dead cannot rest if the table is not set. At an annual feast, the table is set with special foods and everyone eats in silence, the dead partaking of the meal with the living. Everyone would spill a portion of their drink at the corner of the table where no one sat, offering it to the dead, saying, “This is for you, dear souls.” The Poles have a similar ritual.

Not too long ago, I was taking a walk through Portland’s historic Lone Fir Pioneer Cemetery. Many of the graves had the usual flowers and potted plants decorating them. But one grave caught my attention. It had, instead of daisies, a bag of Doritos, a can of Coke and a baseball. This was the headstone of a young boy, barely in his teens. The surname was decidedly Slavic. It made me wonder if his family was carrying on this old tradition of feeding the dead.

On a more recent visit, I did not find any graves with Doritos for the dead. But I did find this offering. (Photo taken with permission from the deceased.)

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner?

I have been sharing a ritual meal with the dead on All Hallow’s Eve for many years. I cook the favorite foods of my deceased friends and relatives and then invite them to share my meal. Every year, never fail, I have an uninvited guest or two. In 2000, it was a member of the crew of the Kursk, the Russian submarine that sank in the Barents Sea. In 2001, it was one of the firefighters who perished in the aftermath of the twin tower disaster. I always invite them to sit down and join in the meal.

Since 2001, my best friend Amy Gerver has been a regular visitor at my “Dumb Supper” celebration. Amy drowned in a rafting accident on the Idaho River in May 2001. This post is dedicated to her.

Amy liked to serve spaghetti and tomato sauce at our Dumb Suppers. What will you be serving to your beloved dead this Halloween?

May the light shine through us and on us and in us. May we die each night and be born each morning that the wonder of life should not escape us. May we love and laugh and enter lightly into each other’s hearts. May we live forever. May we live forever.

~Normandi Ellis
Awakening Osiris: The Egyptian Book of the Dead